Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
