JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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