Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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