Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize