I seem to have left my pride at pride
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
