Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
where are my eyebrows?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
