break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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