I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
