The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
