I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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