And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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