I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
