I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
