i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
