Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
