I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
