Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
