yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize