good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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