How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
