yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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