dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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