I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
