I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
