But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
