Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There's always time for handjobs
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
