Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You smell like stripper and shame
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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