I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
