Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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