how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
