I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
