how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
