Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
