1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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