I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
