You made me cry and you don't even care
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
