office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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