man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
