There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
