last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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