if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
