Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i think i just lost a toe
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
