his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
