Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
