I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
