Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
