I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize