I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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