I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
smell my finger.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
