I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
