he shaved USA in his pubs
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
