Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
