How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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