My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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