I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
