I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
thus making me awesome and them whores
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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