Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
