How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You can't just leave with hair like that
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
