I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Did I show you my penis last night?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
