Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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