So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
