just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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