She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
