Old men and throwing up are my life now.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
