Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
