woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
