i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
