I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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