True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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