The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
