If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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