And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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